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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Lame Christmas toys of the past

Česky: Hrací kovová spirála English: Metal sli...Image via Wikipedia

We all have fond memories of Christmas, but if you grew up in the seventies, there were some hits and misses under the tree. This list is about some of the worst gifts ever. Enjoy reminiscing over these “misses” for gifts. If you were a kid growing up in the 70's in particular, you may have wanted some of these gifts only to regret it later. If you didn't your parents probably did.

  1. Silly Putty- Silly Putty was fun for about five minutes. Between tasting it, and getting it dirty from all the things it was supposed to stick to, it became well, one of those gifts you just end up throwing away or losing altogether. The egg it came in, however, was a keeper..well for a minute anyway. It made a good cat toy when you put a marble in it.
  2. Slinky- What was so lame about Slinky was the fact that one little slight mishap or bend rendered the toy useless. It was impossible to fix and if you grew up in a house with no stairs, the options were even more limited for fun things to do with this toy.
  3. Lawn Darts- Also known as “death from above”, this toy had some issue. Hard to believe someone out there thought this was a good idea for kids. Yikes, These darts were pointed and weighted at the pointed end to assure it could be tossed and stick in the ground. However, if left unattended a kid could use this as a deadly weapon. Not to mention throwing it straight up in the air over your head was a good way to become one eyed.
  4. Baby Alive- This baby would eat fake food that you had to mix up, then it would soil itself. The baby if not properly cleaned would have remnants of the food remaining in its body and would get rather funky, not unlike a “real” baby. Once your parents quit buying the special food it needed, on of two things were going to happen, you were either going to realize it was no better than the other dolls you had, or you were going to sneak and put real food in its mouth and have it smelling of rotten banana in a week or two. Either way, it ended up being more trouble than what it was worth. If manufacturers had made it cry all the time too, it would have been a good deterrent for teen pregnancy.
  5. Stretch Armstrong- OK initially it seemed fun, but after a few strenuous pulls on this pretty much “inactive” action figure and you're already digging in the toy box for the way cooler, 6 million dollar man. In fact the funnest part of this toy was trying to find out what was on the inside of the body that allowed it to stretch. Let's just say, well, it tasted “sweet” and it obviously wasn't poisonous...eh hemm.
  6. Pet Rock- Thanks, but no thanks. Why on earth did anyone buy this when the old backyard was a breeding ground for them? Here we all sat with a fortune in the backyard and we're buying them? Darn! I guess this was a second attempt after “Pet Dirt” didn't take off like expected.
  7. Sit and Spin- This seems like a fun toy until your toddler gets off of it and ends up falling, sure funny at first but when the nausea ensues, a messy time is had by all. A more appropriate name might have been, “Sit and Spew.”
  8. Ball and Cup- This was a cup that had a handle on the bottom and a string with a ball attached. The object of the game was to simply get the ball in the cup. After the first successful attempt, you are left with an empty feeling..so you're off to find something with a real challenge, like the Paddle Ball.
  9. Paddle Ball- Why didn't manufacturers just name it was it really was for? A good paddle for spanking your kid the minute the ball flew off and broke something? Sigh..Ouch, thanks Dad, and a Merry Christmas to you too.
  10. Weebles- “Weebles wobbles but they don't fall down.” Why would anyone remember that? Perhaps an over saturation of the market in the 70's? This toy was never fun. It never fell down, and that was part of the problem. Simply put, it's one of those toys that ends up being a toy for the family pet. If you did enjoy this toy I have to ask you, were you hit in the head with a lawn dart?
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